the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Randomize
