He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
