i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
