smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Randomize
