i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
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