tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
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