so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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