i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
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