How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Randomize
