I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
