Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
