What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
