We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
