There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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