It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
