We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
