Screwed.edu
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
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