does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Randomize
