fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
