My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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