Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I got inside last night via doggy door
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
