During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Randomize
