It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
farters have to be the big spoon...
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
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