So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
