I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I intend to get homeless drunk
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
