get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
it was like having sex with a tree stump
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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