Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
