I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Randomize
