i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
