walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
