Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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