He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
