I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
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