my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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