Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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