I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
