3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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