nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Randomize
