there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
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