carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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