he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
