Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Randomize
