they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
