maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
