I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
