its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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