Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
You're like the curious george of whores
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Randomize
