Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize
