Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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