The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
