I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
He? As in you personified your dick?
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
