My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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