And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Randomize
